i hate liars! she lies, like running water & yet
she is still privilaged, to be apart of my life.
i can't take it anymore. friend or lover. i can't
keep assiciating with folks that just want to hurt me.
Labels: love, relationships
Jun 4, 2009
4:20 AM
It's 4:20 in the morning! Why the hell am I still awake!
I was tired before I got in the shower and washed my hair ; I got out and POW! Not sleepy at all anymore. So, I've been sitting on the phone with someone for a quick minute, and I just wanted to make it clear that; I've never got so many mixed feelings from so many different girls in one day. Earlier on, I had to be the rude bitch and hang up in someones ear, because I didn't like the tone that they were speaking to me in.
Hours later, I get a phone call with a much more calm voice, and a more welcoming tone. I always seem to try to conduct real important conversations when I'm high! I don't even know why but it happens. I don't do it purposely, it just happens that people want to talk about real important shit, when I'm under the influence. Thank God, I'm no air head. Next, I log into msn and I'm bombarded with messages, in which annoy me because I'm told I'm being rude, or mean because I have a life, and I can't be at every beck & call. Then the individual calls my cellular and is all calm and "i miss you" phrases. LOL.... & comes off the phone because she said "I want to see you" ---- and my response was "Uh, really?" Then I hear "ARR, I'm going to bed!" and I'm here like umm okay! CLICK.
Like jeesh ; I thought I was an attention freak; but apparently I've grown out of it. As I grew up I realized that not everyone was going to be there when you wanted them to be there. Whether I was going through something or not. I don't ask people to rearrange their schedules so we can "chill" so I'll be damned if I do it for anyone. Definately not now anyway. I've got too much on the brain, too much to take care of. A lot of acheiving to do. & deadlines I've set for myself.
& I'm the last person to ask to sit by you while you dish out your many mood swings!
Labels: annoyed, females, relationships
Apr 16, 2009
10:11 PM
So I’ve been single for seven months strong… Well a little over six months. The single life is great and all, but let’s talks about what I miss from the relationship lifestyle.
It’s nice to have that one person to call your own. That one individual that you can get close with, someone you can cuddle up wit when neither of you have anything else going on. Going out, having fun… I mean I can go out with my friends, but let’s be real, it’s not the same.
Maybe I’m too picky? My friends seem to think its okay to try to set me up with their friends. Am I screaming “girlfriend needed?” I don’t think so! Even I miss being the semi – perfect wife for someone; I’m not that needy that I require my friends help in finding someone that I’m compatible with. As I expressed to my cousin a few moments ago on the phone, it’s been a long time before I felt that school girl crush feeling. Loving being around that “one” person that makes your heart melt. Remember the days sitting at home after school or work, on the phone for hours upon hours on the phone laughing, my mistake; giggling. Doing nothing at all but enjoying the sound of the person’s voice. You could be talking about nothing at all, the only thing that mattered was the fact that you liked them, enjoyed their company, and you were on the phone with them!
I miss Anniversaries! I’m not the one for short term relationships. I was speaking to someone a few days ago, and they were talking about how they thought long term relationships were a waste of time, because they felt like all that time spent with that one person was for nothing. I rather be in a relationship for a while, and moving on eventually with a lesson learnt. What the hell am I going to learn from someone in 2 weeks? ---- Anyway, I miss planning weekend getaways, hotels rented, shopping together, holding hands. Yeah, all of that “mushy” stuff. Well dammit, why am I still single then?
Fuck all that! I will not settle. I’m one choosy lover. I can deal with flaws like the other average person, but what the fuck I look like trying to “love” someone who I have no interest in?
Am I vain? You know what maybe I am! All I ask for is:
1) An attractive person
: if I have to look at you; I can’t be trying to divert my attention because you’re not good enough to stare at ; then I’ll be staring at all the other attractive people walking by
2) Intelligence
: you don’t have to be Bill Nye the science guy; but jeesh, is asking for someone that is book smart, street smart, and has common sense too much to ask for? I’ve come across a few people who weren’t in line when God was giving out common sense. No scarecrow chicks around here please. “Oh I wish I had a brain! I wish I had a brain!” [Aly, will have a chuckle off that one]
3) Income!
: I’m no princess, although I’d like the think that sometimes, but who the hell do I look like paying for everything. Yeah I have money, and I work for it, get up off your ass and make some too, & stop blaming it on the recession!
4) Faithful & Honest
: I absolutely positively despise liars. It’s simple; be loyal and don’t lie to me because I can smell a lie from a mile away. You can expect the same from me.
5) Be secure
: Don’t be jealous when I go out of chill with my friends. Don’t question my friendships! I am faithful and honest. Just because your ex left you for a friend don’t mean I will. My friendships are just that; friendships; nothing more, nothing less.
6) I hate being questioned
: so don’t do it! I’m a grown ass woman, I don’t have curfews, and I don’t need to be questioned about where I’m going, who I’m going with, or what I’m doing. I’m respectful, I won’t be doing anything that I wouldn’t want you doing, so is it too much to ask for you to trust me?!
I’m sure we all have a long list of our perfect match, but I’m not looking for perfection… I get bored quickly! I’m just asking for her to posses six small but large requirements, and if not, I’m not interested! I suppose this is why I’m still single right? Wait, wait I just thought of number seven.
7) Sense of humor
: keep me laughing & smiling and we’ll be just fine.
I want to experience that school girl crush feeling, or am I too old? I think not!! I just keep getting bombarded with all these non compatible females!
Well that’s all for now folks! Talk to yall soon.
Smooches!
Labels: dating, love, relationships, requirements
Jan 22, 2009
1:00 PM
I like to think I'm a pretty fair person when it comes to my needs; and associating them along with another individuals. Sometimes things just don't work out the way we want them to at all times. I'm about to start ranting ; so if you don't want to know about it ; don't read it.
I used to talk to this female, who happened to be really jealous when it came to me getting attention from other people. In the beginning it was cute. Making sure it was known that we had something going on to the public... That's how it always starts huh? Being Cute. Well, as you can probably guess, it stopped being cute, and got to the point where she was always coming at me sideways for being complimented by different people. She used to go crazy at me when other people tried to get at me; although I paid these other individuals no mind. So it came to a point where I was like forget it, I can't help that people show interest in me. I do the right and respectful thing by not responding to it; or shoo'ing it away. What more do you want? Stop taking photos, stop making videos, stop being attractive? Sorry it's not happening so cut your losses. I'm out.
So, we've had ackward conversations onces in a blue moon ever since, and I addressed it today. We apologized for making each other upset. We spoke about the feelings, and the thoughts we were both having at the time. & that conversation ended with well... "I miss you... I miss US". I don't mean to roll my eyes, but my first reaction was "I miss you too". Then I rolled my eyes, because I knew where she was headed with that statement. So am I wrong for letting her know that I'm not looking for anything right now; I'm busy trying to take care of my shit, & I'm investing all my time and energy into handling my shit & achieving my goals? How would me telling her, "yeah I miss you, & us, let's get back to it" be fair? For one it's not the truth because in all honesty, dispite her apology for her acting out, and apology doesn't mean she's changed. An apology doesn't secure the future. You can miss someone without wanting to be with them.
If my intentions are to invest all of my time and energy into building myself up. How would it be fair to string an individual along side of me? So I guess you should already know that she went off, "Keep your focus then. Whatever Bye." Along with a whole bunch of other shit; that was totally unneccessary. I'm just saying. I wouldn't want to be the female on the side coming second to anything. & I'm not about to put anyone in that situation when I can avoid it. What's with people rushing shit lately. I mean, I know the script a little too well. I know how the story ends. Sorry to sparing feelings... I don't see how I hurt her feelings while trying to spare them. I didn't tell her. "chill, I'd never take it there with you again" so why is she trippin'. It's all well and good that you have your shit sorted out; can I get mines please. Like wtf!? So... maybe I should say fuck being fair! Should I allow you to jump in full fledge, knowing I'm not going to be around? C'mon now, let's be real. There is nothing in between the lines. Stop trying to find subliminal messsages. I said what was right for me. If you want to jump into shit blind eye again. Be my guest, but it's not happening with me.
Speaking of fair, having you slander my name and tell me I wasn't shit, and I was never there for you, wouldn't be fair to me either. So btch jump off my back & move on if you want to play these little children games. ---- Anyways, I gotta get back to this project. You can leave your comments --> [in the cbox] let me know if I'm being fair or no.
Labels: fair, jealousy, rant, relationships