I've moved! . . .

ohhhhhhh so the weekend is over!
and i had funn funn funn . along side
with a lot of BS in regards to a lot of
air headed females and stupid situations. urgh
I love Ally-baba ; as we sit here on the phone
making fun of females calling them a scarecrow
just Straw, Weave & Make up . No brain .
"Oh I wish I had a Brain" lmfaooo

Looool Oh Ally is killin meeeee.
Oh some people are meant for each other.
& I couldn't agree more.
Oh I love my Ally , & apparently we're going out on the 10th
hmm . more highlights? =]
she's the best!

&& now that im done professing my love for the lovely allison
I'm going to head back to my big comfy couch. Although its 2am
and find a movie to watch until I'm sleepy. I'll be back to blog on
some real topics sometime soon.

Mar 24, 2009

5:18 PM

whoa. it's been a while huh?
sorry for the delay folks; just taking care of
business and getting ready to party this weekend
to celebrate my 21st Birthday.

i'll be back sooner than later

Mar 18, 2009

7:59 PM

LOLOL sorry ; today I'm just being humored!

first things first; about my last entry ; haha not breaking up. Sucker, chick got happy for NO good reason.

Next we have oblivious males. In ever way shape or form I tell you I am not interested. You asked me what I did new years [a couple months back] & I said I spent it with my Ex girlfriend. I've told you I was involved with a female [during the time]...

Today he's telling me he want to come to my birthday celebration next week. & I'm like sure, I can only assume you mean the dinner part because we're going to gay club. He literally said. AWW COME ON. WHY you doing that fo? [copy & pasted] Umm, because.... I'm Gay =S. ah duh. I've been saying it for 3-4 months now. Why does it seem like rocket science.--- Then I get the follow up questions ; plus this -- So you only like woman? thats what your saying to me -- Yeah I'm pretty sure I do, and Oh my ex of 4 years. No other male but him. Yuck to the rest of yall. --- And I was like saying yo I'm diggin you and what not and I wanted to get to know you more naw mean to see if you wanted to get somewhere --- Are you fucking kidding me? IS THAT WHY YOU PUT ON THAT FAKE ACCENT AND PRETEND YOU'RE NOT FROM TORONTO; & YOU NEED ME AS YOUR TOUR GUIDE? ---- lame
This is definitely a "nigga please" moment ; You couldn't have this even if I WAS straight!

Moral of the story.
Be who you are.

6:40 PM

LMAOOO .

I can always count on certain ppl to give me a good laugh through out the day

I have a friend who is oober excited to possibly be breaking up with her girl.

Apparently she thinks the break up is coming because her significant other asked

to speak to her in person about something important pertaining to "us" --- well THEM

lol . you get what I mean. ----

We don't necessarily make fun of people who are 0n a lower scale than we are;

but there is obviously an issue when one person has to spend all the money all

the time. So, my friend has to travel to go see her girlfriend ; & her smart remark

to me was. "The bitch can't even afford to break up with me".

silence!

LOL . Did she just use that in the literal sense? Oh gosh. How much does it

take to break up with someone. $2.75 for public transit. hahaha .

Oh shit ! Let me stop, before I get ppl in trouble. --- but what IF she doesn't even

want to break up with her, what if she just wants to spend QT, and surprise her with

something? LMFAO --- SUCKS to be optimistic huh?

5:58 PM

t w en t y o n e!

yes yes yall I'm finally twenty one. aah I'm proud to have made it thus far ; and I can only look forward to many more; & more success that comes along with my age! SoOo the official count down for my party begins. 10 days. 10 days! Can't wait!! Last night I was feeling hella depressed but thank you for my sugar plum for giving me a little push into happiness. =)

Something happened to me today. Well not just the fact that my Angel brought me to the spa for a massage and facial because some not so worthy of having the title of a friend female blew me off on my birthday. How do you call me and tell me you're coming from yesterday and then just up and not show up. This is the SECOND TIME! I was speaking to Nina last night and she was telling me a story in regards to knowing who your real friends were especially on an occasion like ones Birthday. So let me just enlighten you, just incase you were unaware of the definitions.

friend [frend]

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile:
4. a member of the same nation, party,

Someone who I can depend on; someone who is going to be there. A person who enters this relationship; just not taking. Not just taking advantage of someone's kindness. Someone who cares to say. "I'm sorry, I was wrong". Someone who would have at least called and let me know that they weren't going to make it. Someone who is responsible, and I can trust to live up to the definition of a friend. I can truly say I don't have a friend in this individual. Keeping her at arms length, rather than close to my heart. Sucks, but I should have realized on February 27th, that we weren't friends. Silly me for giving the irresponsible teen the benefit of the doubt. ---- & for those who are going to read this and say; "Maybe, something happened". - Ha! You don't know her like I do. I've sat there and witnessed the lies told about some tragedy, why she couldn't be somewhere she had made plans to be. & to that person. Thank you for allowing me to see your true colors. Thank you for blowing me off on 2 important days in less than a month. =) Thank you for not being a friend.

later days viewers; whoever you all are! There are so many of you. & You all come, see and leave. Leave a comment in the CBox dammit ! Let me know you were here.

Mar 17, 2009

10:34 PM

I just bought a first class trip to nowhere, everybody goes there

But they don't stay the whole year,

Me I got 365 shows there

- Budden [padded room]

12:43 PM

March 17th 2008. Happy St. Patrick's Day.
But more importantly, the day before my

21st BIRTHDAY!

too bad I'll be grinding it out; working
extra hard so I can finally relax for a
few days to celebrate my birthday on the 28th.

For those who do not have facebook ; and missed
the invitation . Here is the information.

Meeting for dinner @ Caseys' bar & Grill 7pm.
Then from there we'll be going up to our hotel
suite to get ready to go clubbin'. Then we'll leave
from the hotel to the club venue which is located
@ 414 College Street West ; it's called Crown & Tiger.
[people need to provide their own transportation home.]
ah duhh !

pls. RSVP. =)

Mar 16, 2009

1:10 AM

My artist of this past week has been, The Dream. With his innovative sound ; amazing capabilities to song write and produce. His most recent album has remained on replay for the week, along with a few of his other 2009 releases/leaks... Usually I think The Dream's creations are heavily annoying. His sound is very repeatitive, but maybe it's the fact that I pick and choose the music that I can dance to. His song The hater is "the shit" to me. It's the definition of a sector of realness. We all know we can agree that when you try to approach a person of interest and they tell you they have a significant other. At times, we respond to the rejection with a "hater" attitude.

Listen to my song of the week below:

Mar 14, 2009

11:30 PM

so i was listening to some mixtapes earlier this week
& i said to myself. I need to remember to plug this group.
I like their style! & Watching their video "go good" makes
me happy about wanting to take my place as a designer.
I love it! whew . & their song "we fuck you" haha . If you
haven't caught on yet, I like that different shit.

no go watch electrik red videos at:
friend lover
drink in my cup
so good

ah can't wait til the album!
kudo's

Labels: def jam, electrik red

11:22 PM

is that kim looking extra plastic?
oh boy. when having plastic surgery;
try not to hire michael jackson's doctor
---

p.s this song sucks =]
just felt like plugging it .

11:01 PM

I gotta big Ego!

whew can we say hot. please stand back!
dude sway's his hips ; & flips his hair better than me

Its too big, it’s too wide, it won’t fit.

Mar 13, 2009

11:35 PM

tired, bored & lonesome. It's all good though, my butt is about to jump in the shower have a cup or tea, feed my bad habit and take my ass to bed. These last few days I've been staying up all night. No sleep at all. I finally went to bed around 5 or 6 this morning. The night before I didn't even sleep. I was incapable of shutting my eyes. So weird, but hey what can you do?

I'm starting to feel like my tolerance for certain people is being wore really low. There is no reason for me to have to speak to certain people about certain things 3-4 times before the start to comprehend that I'm not playing with them. Nor do I have the time of the energy to put up with that bullshit. I'm saying I had better see some sort of change by Monday. Anyway I have a long day ahead of me so my ass is going to head up and do what it is that I said I was going to do and go to bed.

Labels: tired

Mar 11, 2009

11:29 PM

So as I laid here on the phone with someone for the past 3 hours. I realized my friend was right. I am indeed a sucker for love. I like the feeling of being important to others. I like being complimented & loved. I've lived a part of my life being so harsh and mean towards many people. It's been a part of my character for so long & I'm over it. I realized that it takes too much energy to be a bitch towards people, rather than being kind hearted and loving. Sooo... HOORAY for being a sucker for love. I love the idea of being in love.

Mar 10, 2009

11:38 PM

de⋅ci⋅sion [di-sizh-uhn]
- noun

the act or process of deciding; determination, as of a question or doubt, by making a judgment
the act of or need for making up one's mind
something that is decided; resolution

in⋅tu⋅i⋅tion [in-too-ish-uhn]
- noun

direct perception of truth, fact, etc.,
a keen and quick insight
the quality or ability of having such direct perception or quick insight

My gut is telling my to do something. I'm having intuitive moments, and decisions to make. No one needs to get hurt but someone always ends up on the bottom. Reality bites, that's why I love music and art. Takes me away from the Obstacles of life for the moment.

A friend told me I was a sucker for love today. *frowns* I'm going to have to stop blogging about how people make me feel. Just so I can prove 'em wrong. I care for people. That's just me. I can also be a jerk and not give a shit about feelings and how I come off to others... Shall we play that game? It's a little evil, but I can't say that anyone is looking out for my feelings anyway. So it is what it is. No more lovey dovey blogs. No more poems about being hurt over love. No more relationships??! You've got to be kidding me! How long does this wager last? I've been single since September... I'm sure this bet won't make any big changes...

I asked someone this question today, but I'll share it with you also. Have you ever wanted so bad to speak to someone, yet you couldn't find the words to say? In the sense that I mean is outside of messenger. "talk". Like sat down face to face, or even settle for a phone conversation..... Ahh I don't know.

On another note! Today was a good day! & The only reason I say that is because I started working out again today. Good Lord, I was tired!! It's all worth it though. I let myself go at a time of hurt, pain, & depression. I feel like I'm no longer in that place in life, so why not pick up the pieces to me, the same way I picked up the pieces in regards to some other things. So yeah. My work out was great. I did an hour today. Not that much ; but it's been a few months so I'm just getting back into the groove.

Anyway I'm off to feed my bad habit ; clean my piercings & get ready for bed. Goodnight my lovelys.
smooches!

Labels: depression, liberation, life, love

11:21 PM

You ever had a day, when no one seemed to make any sense what so ever? Well it hasn't occured for the full day for me, but ever since one female started. Everyone else's common sense seemed to have gone down the drain. I feel like a teacher. Like I'm speaking a different language. Apparently the English language is getting difficult to comprehend after how many years of speaking, reading & writing it. Do yourself a favor and just shut up. I'm tired of repeating myself. I'm tired of breaking down my point. & More than ever I am so so so tired of answering questions when they aren't necessary. Which brings me to topic number 2. Like I said in my pet peeves post. I can't stand when nosey people just continue to be nosey. Don't worry about what other people are doing & what's going on if it doesn't concern you. Why am I answering to you, about things that are going to be taking place at my party. I don't even know who you are. You're not my girlfriend, don't worry about what all is going to be taking place. Keep your girl on a leash and leave me out of it. Stop questioning me. If you're coming to the dinner then come. If you're coming to the party, come! & If I don't know you. You better believe you had better bring your ass home. You are not welcome in my hotel room... That sounds really mean but it's the honest truth. A lot has changed with me in the last year or so. Although in the process of re-inventing myself, I became really quiet and mellow. I still won't stand for certain things. & Being investigated by nobodies is just one of those things... Err, now I'm off to speak to my munchskin & go to bed. I have an early start to my day tomorrow

10:30 PM

The Boy i the Striped Pyjamas.
Wow ; I think it's a good movie. Came out back in 2008 I believe.
My brother has a million movies that I've never heard of but hey.... Anyway this movie basically shows things that were going on through out the late 1930s and early 40s. The holocaust! When watching movies like this I often get enraged and really angry with the way people think it's cool to take other peoples lives just because they are different. It's amazing how people still act like that today. We've come so far with racism but it will always exist. & That really sucks.

Labels: boy, holocaust, pain, prejudice, racism

12:07 AM

Something from me to you all. More of my baby.
=) You all already know how much I love me some Ginuwine.

Dedicated to someone special. I'm sure she can take a hint.

So after discussing a couple of different options for a new topic to speak on with nR! My mango loving girly! We've mutually decided I was going to make a long list of pet peeves. What really irks me. The little things and the big things. Something tells me this will be a never ending list. One that will keep being updated and re-posted. Here goes nothing.

Females that wear make up that doesn't match their skin tone. ex. foundation/cover up.
When you can tell someone drew on their eyebrows
Dudes that think their game is so ill. It can make a gay girl straight.
People who constantly try to get with someone after hearing no so many times.
Loud individuals. Use your indoor voices. No need to scream
People who squeeze the middle of the toothpaste tube. [Irritating huh nR?]
Sandals on males... I just think it's tacky.
Crocs! I can't stand when my brother wears them outside of the garden. I thought they were hella tacky when I used to cash them out at age 17 @ Canadian Tire, and still do now. Don't wear garden shoes outside of the garden!!!
Ron Browz ; I just want to scream. His sound ; really irks me.
When people don't put a new toilet paper on the holder when they finish it.
Nosey people. Keep to your own business & stop worrying about others.
People that talk oober amount of shit about others. Get a life.
Annoying ex's. Get over yourself. You're an ex, & you're not God's gift to me. Otherwise we'd still be together.
People who copy other people's profiles online. Are you that lame you cannot come up with words to describe yourself, you must take mine or others.
E-Ballers... You only have the guts to write and talk about people over the internet. Get a job.
Show off's. Shut your trap. You're only acting up because you have an audience.
People who add you to messenger, then ask you who you are. NO! Who are you! You added me remember.
People who lie & get caught and still try to lie their way out of it.
People who ask questions about something you've clearly spoke about in your online profile.
People who copy and paste the same message to a million people. "Hey what's up looking sexy get at me. I really want to get to know you". Be genuine you bastard!
Girls that still gel down their hairline to their face and call it baby hair. You seem to have more hair on your face then in your ponytail. & Further more it's not cute.
3 or more people are conversing together, & 2 or more people branch off and start speaking in a language where the others cannot understand. Stop it, it's annoying & they know you're probably speaking about them.
Hypocrites. Bashing a person or a group; but yet you're guilty of the same thing or worst.
People who post groups on facebook bashing an individual or more, because they did something negative to them or they just don't like the person. Get over it.
People who show up to special events looking tore up. You had notice, why do you look like you just crawled out of hibernation.
People who are dishonest. ---- [ be back later wit more I'm sure. ]
Unloyal friends
Telemarketers. No trick I don't want to buy anything.
People that stare out of rudeness
When you're trying to explore something new with someone new & they keep speaking about their Ex.
People who still take photos with their cell phones in the washroom mirror
People who pick their nose in public
People who chew with their mouth open. I don't need to hear and see all of that.
Calling customer Service Call centres. They never seem to resolve the issue at hand.
People who stand over my shoulder and look at my screen. My conversation is none of your business. Go somewhere!
When people put 2 dishes in the dishwasher rather than just washing the dishes
When I tell someone "No, you can't" or "Don't" and they still do it behind my back
When people try to short change me. Bitch, no! Give me my correct change.
Dudes with Weave. I just find it unattractive. Hetero or Homo. It's not cute.
When you hang out with friends and they make plans over the phone that cut what ever you both had planned short
People who borrow stuff and never give it back. TRICK DON'T PLAY WITH ME
People who narrate movies. Shut up and just let me watch it.
People who make small talk with cashiers when the line behind them is long as hell. Keep it moving.

Mar 9, 2009

10:50 PM

A friend asked me the other day, why I suffer in silence, rather than voicing my pain...
& I think to myself, "what's the point? No one can be trusted". People prove that daily. Trust is the key factor in all my relationships. If I cannot trust you then I have no use for you. It seems so harsh, but it's my truth. Every now and then I hear someone mention something that someone who they thought they could trust did to them & I rather not take my chances. I've been let down a million & one times. I erased the history. Forgave & started over with a clean slate. I don't necessarily want to mess that up. "Bring it to God" she said.... & I'm thinking that praying more often wouldn't be a horrible thing.

Another friend asked me today, what does it take to be in a relationship with you? I may seem like a really complex person, I like the simple things in a person. I don't mind overcoming obstacles, that's just apart of life. I don't mind dealing with petty issues. I just want the little big stuff. LOL. Like Trust, Honesty, Comfort & Time when I can get it... I'm not greedy I promise! I can deal with my partner having friends... I can deal with the late night phone calls. I can give you the benefit of the doubt. I can not be a jealous girlfriend as long as you give me what I need. I can keep up my end of the deal and cook & clean. Take care of my partner, be faithful, trustworthy and completely honest. I have a lot of goals to achieve, so my time with my partner is limited at the moment. I'd need someone that can understand that I'm working hard to make a good life for myself, & possibly them... If they last.

Could you deal with it? Could you be all that I needed... Could you give me the little big stuff that will keep me satisfied.

8:22 PM

I just wanted to check in with my readers. . .
Nothing much going on over here ; just been keeping quiet & spent the night
with an old friend last night. Slept most of the day ; thank god for mondays.
My day off! =D *yawns* You know what it's like when you over sleep!
You feel hella lazy! Welcome to my world ; Well for the day. Back to working
hard for the rest of the week is the plan ....

So as I sit here listening to I don't love you - Trey Songz ;
a lot of things come to mind. Remember being oober close with an individual
and that individual did something to make you distance yourself. Or maybe
you did something you knew was wrong to an individual & they are thinking
they don't love you anymore.

"Baby its sad to say,I know that it was you thatmade me feel this way,never thought it'd be a day that I,I don't love you anymore"

No pun intended. I'm not speaking about anyone in particular ; I just like Trey Songz & his music.

Mar 6, 2009

2:46 AM

Do you see what 989 said? I only compete with myself. So blah @ eveyone else. Thnxx for the kind words L. I appreciate them. A day late & a dollar short. I am no longer worried about what ever it was that I was feeling about her. The feelings for her hasn't changed ; but I decided to do what I was asked too do & back off. . . Atleast I think I was asked to do just that. I can't seem to remember right now. My eyes are getting heavy and I'm overly excited! Which is always a sign that I'm way too tired. I need to hop on off of msn and call it a night. Yet the conversation keeps getting even more interesting. Lee you have work in the morning right? Alright this is true. Conversation being wrapped up right now.

I'm absolutely exhausted... Blame it on the lack of sleep for the past couple of days... Congrats to my nigga Thoro! Lil one got herself a damn job. Yay, now come share your wealth! hehe. Let me stop. This is how you know I'm really tired. I'm speaking so randomly & I have no point. So tataa

Mar 5, 2009

1:52 AM

Back & Forth ; Up & down

Left then Right; Round & Round ;

searching for the words but none are found.

Still remembering how I felt when my jaw hit the ground

How could this be; this is so not like me.

I search for the positive but all I see is the negativity

I'm torn but mostly because I never accepted her apology

I try to keep a fast pace so i remain busy.

In the hopes that I don't have to deal with my own reality.

I've always seen her as potential ;

but right now she's doing nothing for me but fuckin with my mental.

even though i'm angry something tells me to be kind

i try to change the subject but the chick is always on my mind

Don't drop her; tell her you need her; ask her to "be mine"

But I can't & won't; the words won't ever leave my mind

I look AT the signs and wonder how I could've been so blind

but no matter how I feel about the situation

I still cannot deny my heavy infatuation

remembering the words that made me stare in her direction

*shaking my head*

silly me for thinking i was my own competition.

Labels: broken

Mar 4, 2009

2:34 AM

& this is still my favorite chris brown song
& it's been dedicated to someone.

i'm still here. cause this is where i wanna be.

Mar 3, 2009

11:29 PM

I was irritated last night
& here we go again .

10:58 PM

Let's be honest. . .

I like honesty ; I like being honest. In all reality, I'm sitting here looking at my screen. Looking down at my fingers periodically wondering why nothing is coming through from my brain to my fingertips allowing me to post an entry. Well, not much to wonder about. I already know why my brain is on lock down. I'm sitting here listening to Alright by Sterling Simms. This is probably the 50th time it's played consecutively. I'm not even kidding... I'm here listening to the song; waiting for that. "It's Alright, it's Cool" attitude to kick in but it doesn't seem to be happening tonight. It didn't happen last night or this morning before I went to work either. It's 2 in the morning and I'm not at all tired because I'm upset. . . I'm angry? Disappointed? Hurt? I don't even know what I am! That's a problem, I'm always able to identify my emotions clearly. Yet at this particular moment they are very difficult to decipher. What I do know at this particular moment is that Dyondra didn't call me back, & I'ma kick her ass =). I also know that Thoro has been M.I.A for a couple of days; something tells me not to worry, cause that's Thoro's behaviour; but I can't help but to be concerned. She's like a little sister. Well I guess I shouldn't be all that worried, her ass put out a million & one youtube videos of her speaking to the viewers... haha I'm going to use this entry as a reminder that I need to speak to Thoro about what she shares with the world, @ that age.... Anywho...

I know it's silly but I feel like my world has changed. Well maybe not my world, but my plans... I'm not letting whatever is upsetting me to make decisions for me, but usually if I am sulking about something I'm able to think about my Birthday and be all excited again... But nothing seems to be working for me right now. "weed & alcohol seems to satisfy us all" -Drake. Looks like I know how this night will end. I'm getting tired of listening to this song by Sterling.

who can I run to?

Labels: anger, broken, hurt

2:27 AM

just wanted to share a photograph of amber... i don't think i have any initial thoughts on this. Maybe I'm still at aww that a girl I know made her own porno with her girl.

I just wanted to quickly share that I'm irritated.

I saw I left & I decided I don't care.

& If I don't care; thats not so much of a good thing. It is what it is.

now off to my bad habit & bed . fck 'em & everybody else

dime a dozen.

Mar 1, 2009

3:37 AM

Oh goodness ; look @ the time ; AGAIN lol ; So remember that long ass
day I told you I had. Oh well I had it ! I was busy @ work today . Not OMG
kill me now busy; but busy enough not to be bored or to sit for 10 minutes.
Then from there came home; got some things together quickly; and headed
out to my photo shoot which might i add was GREAT! I'll post them in a slide
show photo gallery soon enough ; but here is one photo of my cousin and I.

my eyes are starting to feel heavy again ! So night night it is! I finally get
to sleep in today. This is great! Oh, but before I goooo . Aww I saw my cousin
Chereena! I was so happy! I haven't seen her since my 20th Birthday! We used to
see each other like every other weekend. I would spend friday, saturday & sundays
at her house! I so miss being around my family. I always get that "it feels good
to be home" feeling. =) Hey; but I'm off! I'm really really tired. goodnight
*double kisses*
muahx muahx!

ps. i fixed my laptop ! It wasn't difficult; yay!

Labels: tired