So I have something I want to talk about. It's 7 in the morning, and I just wanted to get this off my chest. Otherwise I can't bring myself to go back to sleep before my mother comes over to get her hair wash coloured & single braided!

I have 3 people who I think about. Not all at the same time. One more than the rest, but just hear me out. I'm going to give them stage names. We have someone from my past that I'll call Princess, simply because she was treated like royalty, & still it was never good enough. Then we have, Ginuwine. *smirk* Cause I adore the singer Ginuwine, and no matter how many "shaky" singles he puts out, I still adore him. I guess you can say I feel that way about her. Then we have Essence, every thought about her presence seems to take me to another place. Somewhere, where I just want to pick up and go... & she seems worth it.

Princess, wants back in. She keeps pushing for it. She keeps being upfront. In fact she said "Be my girl again" last night, while I was all grumpy and exhausted, and I flat out said no... I know that if I wanted to, I can go to this individual and say, "okay! Let's do it!" I'm apprehensive of the past coming back to kick me again. You are an ex for a reason, no? that was what I posted from the lovely B. Scott the other day right? I did give you multiple chances to get your shit straight, and you claimed to be acting right, then someone would appear with golden news. Not the mention I can tell you're lying from the jump. Sometimes I call you out, & sometimes I just let you take the rope I'm giving you, and allow you to hang yourself... I don't want nor or need any of that drama in my life. --- But here's the twist! Sometimes I get lonely to the extent, where I'm like fuck it! I could up and say yes, at any given moment because I do want someone consistent there.

Then we have Ginuwine, I don't have much to say about her. I miss her presence. I miss her company and conversation. I spend little time trying to speak to her about the way I feel, and more time just thinking about "What could have been". In all reality though, if it was meant to be, it would have been. No? Exactly, so I just want to be able to bring myself to the point where I stop thinking about it & her, but shit. I may keep pushing work wise like a robot, but news flash! I'm human buddy! Sometimes we think of people we probably shouldn't be thinking about.

& we have Essence. The lovely Essence. Someone who I care about, and to be honest I don't know why completely. I like the way she carries herself when she speaks to me. && this is where it gets a little complicated. I spend a lot of time day dreaming and wondering what could be with her, and less time trying to spend that time with her to explore that. I want to take the steps in seeing what could be, but either I'm afraid in figuring out, that there's nothing I want to get involved with. Or is it, I'm really just that busy with work, & to make it worst, our schedules conflicts... I come home from a long day at work, and she works on her music all through the night.

I think it's a given that Princess is just a no no, Ginuwine, I just need to let go. & Essence is what I want to look into, but why does it feel so hard to do on command? I think I have it figured out... Hopefully I can stick by it. & I'll have that conversation with Essence later on... Hopefully my mothers hair doesn't take the whole day so i'll have time to speak to her about it. But cheaaa . I needed my release therapy to let me be able to go back to sleep until she gets here... So good morning and i'll Talk to yall later.

Ooh & I love you foxxxy. "double you tee eff, dash dat weh"
don't even worry about that ting.