Ever wake up, and it feels like your mind is going a million miles per minute. Everything that could possibly be on your mind is just setting off bells and you don’t necessarily know which one to deal with first? That’s exactly how I feel at this moment. I know what it is that I need to do. I have all the right resources to knock them down one by one. I’m just really impatient. I’ve lived my life living up to so many people’s expectations. None of those who are here for me at this present moment. I have a million things that I just want to put down on paper so I can physically see it. I’m going to list all the things that I’m thinking about and talk about each of them, even if it’s just a sentence.
My impulsive attitude and actions
My friends
My past relationships
My sense of humor
My goals
My family

Let’s start from the top. . . my impulsive attitude and actions. Is it my downfall or my strength? Maybe both! Me acting on impulse cost me a whole lot. It has also brought a lot of great people in my life like my friends. My true friends, Ewart, Althea, & Tamika J. . . & many more. [Please do not feel offended that your name isn’t up here] These just happen to be my top three.

My best friend, I don’t even really remember how we became so close in high school. He was always a good listener. He’s always been comforting and not just because he was a dude that wanted something from a chick. Most females that know him, will tell you the same thing. I thank him for helping me out when he could. I thank him for the nights where I cried and he drove to my house and kept me company. I thank him for getting upset with me for running back to an ex. I love him with all of my heart. I cherish the days and the slumber parties we had.

Althea, *smiles* my inspiration, after speaking to her for about 2 hours today she has made me see certain things in a new light. Always an angel even when she’s trying to be a jerk. She could never keep a straight face to save her life. No one ever understood our friendship, & that’s fine because quite frankly isn’t no one’s business but ours. I don’t know why I decided to finally respond to your message last September but I’m glad I did. I’ve had a truly amazing friendship flourish for a little over a year now & it means the world to me.

Tamika J. is my definition of real. Sometimes I wonder how I come across such great people as my friends. Sometimes I feel so lonely in this world. It feels so cold and lonely, and then God brings me angels like Tamika J. Always understanding, always helping and always loving. From the jokes and the wars we used to break out into in Suzy Shier. To the days where I’ve barely spoken to her because I’m ultra stressed and depressed about my life. A simple message in my inbox on facebook made me realize that great people do still exist. Thank you for always lending an ear, and giving advice. I love T.J. for all that she is and what she stands for. I appreciate and cherish all of my true friends. I appreciate any and everyone doing things to better themselves and the lives of others around them.

I’m going to switch up the order for a quick second. My sense of humor prior to my past relationships… I can be really silly at times and really serious at others. Lately, I feel like I’ve lightened up a bit. I’m not the same “rude posh” that a lot of people know me as. To be honest, I don’t think I was a rude person for no reason. Situations and circumstances have a way in affecting how a person lives their life. I like that so many people have a way to my heart by making me laugh. Humor me bitch! I bet we’ll be good acquaintances if you can make me crack a smile. It’s easier then it was a year ago. I guess I can thank my past relationships for that! When I was with Dee, I don’t remember laughing all that much. Even Ellis made me laugh sometimes. Kim, lol. Kim! That girl man, I don’t even know what to say. I think I spent more time laughing at her then with her. Her walking around swaying her hips, flipping her hair. Looking like a gay boy, rather than a gay girl is humorous. Something about her brings a smile to my face even though she’s put me through a whole lot. I appreciate and thank her for the experience. I feel like I’ve grown so much since our episode ended. *shrugs* I’m not exactly sure how to put it all into words at the present moment but I’ll love her always & forever cherish our memories.

I thought I wanted to get into a relationship with someone new. One of those impulsive actions/ attitudes, after thinking about all this; I’ve realized that friendships are so much more important. They can last forever if both parties care to make it happen.

I have so much to accomplish and I’m looking forward to the year ending and the new year starting. I can’t wait for things to fall into place, I feel very impatient it comes to managing my life at times. But I’m striving for better. 2008 was supposed to be a great year, yet it’s about to end and I’ve accomplished maybe 50% of my goals. My oath to myself is to make 2009 the best year of my life. I’m twenty one in less than 3 months. I cried about spilt milk for so long. I lost my family togetherness along the way. I am trying to obtain, all of what I lost and everything else in the world that isn’t far from my grasp. Nothing is too far from my grasp. I love life, and I’m going to continue to live mines. & be happy with what I have. From the ground up ; work in progress. I’ll meet you at the top. I promise.

Special thanks to my cousin Bella, for everything. Although I may not agree with everything and all point of views. We’re going to make it. I love you.